Happa catches Gsec of FML hall vibing to Taylor Swift’s Enchanted; Joins him

In what is now being hailed as the scandal of the year, two hall council members of FML hall, Mr Softcock, Happa, and Mr Pseudoalpha, Gsec, have allegedly been caught listening to Taylor Swift’s songs. Further investigation by the incel army revealed a collection of scores of songs from artists ranging from Ellie Goulding to Sia. They even had Coldplay, for fuck’s sake!

“FML ka tempo high hai! It’s an utter disgrace, I tell you. You know, when I met Pseudoalpha, I saw an anti-social kid with no culture whatsoever and I thought he would make an excellent GSec So-Cult. But as it turns out, I am wrong for (obviously) the first time in my life. The rational people have got to his head and corrupted it. Gotta get rid of these sense-making monsters, they are the real problem here.” opined Solaka Dola, ex-Happa, FML hall.

The news comes at a sensitive time as many GC and Open IIT events are just around the corner and the hall could use the strong manly presence of the HCMs. “FML ka tempo high hai! A minor discomfort. They will soon be replaced and everything will be back to normal soon. Yeah, sure, it’s sad to see them go but it’s not unwarranted. Miss me with that gay shit” said Chaliski Chaati, SSM of the grieving hall.

The Garlic realizes the importance of chauvinism in grooming 2nd-year kids to strong males and thus in consultation with our in house masculinity advisor, Dr Chad, The Garlic present you the following steps you can take during the Assimilation Programme to convert all the betas, gammas, deltas, epsilons and vanilla ice cream eaters to alphas.

1. Come up with new cuss words. Your garden variety abuses like the ones which insinuate intimate relations with the subjects’ mothers and the ones that establish his identity as his sister’s phallic organ are overused and are thus beginning to lose their charm. It’s about time new cuss words are invented. It is not a difficult task either. You don’t have to look much further than the popular series Sacred Games which does have neat, crafty expletives that can be employed with ease.
2. Don’t be afraid of using physical abuse. Sometimes one of them will turn to be a rebel (with a cause) and not agree to your ridiculous commands. Such people have to be taught a lesson. Beat that little shit up to show him who’s the boss and establish complete dominance. This is important lest they question you in future and questions could cause the collapse of our well-established culture. The institute is very caring for its students’ future and therefore does not want to meddle in this as it could mean that the disciplinary committee has to convene which is just unacceptable because students’ careers could get ruined.
3. If things seem to be getting out of hand, threaten to pull out of GC. One of the oldest tricks in the books that always works for reasons The Garlic still doesn’t understand.
4. Makeup bullshit rationales. Tell them how all this will shape them to be the future leaders of tomorrow, how this will help them get an intern, then their dream job, then a smoking hot wife and then a trip to the moon. Convince them that all this is for their benefit and if you didn’t do this, they’re screwed.

Garlic Stench: More gyan from Dr Chad

The Garlic is glad to see that steps 2 and 3 have already been implemented this year. People like Softcock and Pseudoalpha are only a minor hindrance, the day when the entire institute will have only real males is not that far off.

KGP ka tempo high hai!